Pumped and primed and gung-ho about getting up, getting dressed, and heading to the house of the Lord tomorrow.  Got up after a day spent doing absolutely, positively, NOTHING, and decided to 'get ready'.  Took a shower, washed my hair, took out my clothes for tomorrow, and then, got in bed to make my "To Do" list for after service.  And then, that's when it hit me.  I can't describe it, don't think there are words that can adequately describe it other than a FEELING.

A feeling came over me, that was so heavy...so weighted down...and out of the clear blue, the thought came to me...I don't want to go to church tomorrow.

WHAT?

After all that has taken place over the past few days, things that have happened to me personally and indirectly, I am so weary. And so, CHURCH...being among other Saints..that's the BEST place for me.

So, why don't I want to go?

I feel it in my bones, that my being there tomorrow, is going to be awe-inspiring.  That I'm more than likely going to hear something that is going to be 'just for me'.  Yet and still, I don't want to go.  It's not like I have to wake up "early" - service doesn't start until 10am.  It's not like I have to go far - 20 minutes (at the most) down the road.  It's not like I'm going to be there "forever" - service will probably be over by 12pm.  So, what's the issue?  Why don't I want to go?  Even the thought of streaming service, (yes, I go to a 21st Century Church, where I can take a seat at "Bedside Baptist" and still 'get my praise on!"), isn't lifting this weight from me...

I decided to sit down and write in my prayer journal and the heaviness increased.  I went to the internet and did a search, "Why Don't I Want to Go To Church", and read a few tidbits, yet the weight continued to press on me. It actually got worse.  Decided to come bare my soul here, and as I type these words, I feel as if I can't breath..as if there is something pressing on my chest and I'm gasping for breath.

So WHAT IS THE ISSUE?  WHY DON'T I WANT TO GO TO CHURCH IN THE MORNING?

This makes no sense and that doesn't sit well with me either.  No answers to give myself, to help me get over this FEELING.

SMH....