Archive for June 2015

Home Archive for June 2015

Pumped and primed and gung-ho about getting up, getting dressed, and heading to the house of the Lord tomorrow. Got up after a day spent doing absolutely, positively, NOTHING, and decided to 'get ready'. Took a shower, washed my hair, took out my clothes for tomorrow, and then, got in bed to make my "To Do" list for after service. And then, that's when it hit me. I can't describe it, don't think there are words that can adequately describe it other than a FEELING.

A feeling came over me, that was so heavy...so weighted down...and out of the clear blue, the thought came to me...I don't want to go to church tomorrow.

WHAT?

After all that has taken place over the past few days, things that have happened to me personally and indirectly, I am so weary. And so, CHURCH...being among other Saints..that's the BEST place for me.

So, why don't I want to go?

I feel it in my bones, that my being there tomorrow, is going to be awe-inspiring. That I'm more than likely going to hear something that is going to be 'just for me'. Yet and still, I don't want to go. It's not like I have to wake up "early" - service doesn't start until 10am. It's not like I have to go far - 20 minutes (at the most) down the road. It's not like I'm going to be there "forever" - service will probably be over by 12pm. So, what's the issue? Why don't I want to go? Even the thought of streaming service, (yes, I go to a 21st Century Church, where I can take a seat at "Bedside Baptist" and still 'get my praise on!"), isn't lifting this weight from me...

I decided to sit down and write in my prayer journal and the heaviness increased. I went to the internet and did a search, "Why Don't I Want to Go To Church", and read a few tidbits, yet the weight continued to press on me. It actually got worse. Decided to come bare my soul here, and as I type these words, I feel as if I can't breath..as if there is something pressing on my chest and I'm gasping for breath.

So WHAT IS THE ISSUE? WHY DON'T I WANT TO GO TO CHURCH IN THE MORNING?

This makes no sense and that doesn't sit well with me either. No answers to give myself, to help me get over this FEELING.

SMH....

Here’s a question…where are my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Christ, who happen to be WHITE?

Where is your outrage? Where is your condemnation? Why is it so easy for you to speak out against this happening in a CHURCH, but not want to give voice to the fact that this was done because it was a BLACK church?

You do realize that these folks were chosen…targeted…not because they were followers of Yeshua, but because they happened to be BLACK?

Why is it so hard for you to wrap your mind and your thoughts and your words around THAT fact? Why is it easier for you to ignore the BIG WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM and acknowledge that if no other time, (side-eye), this ONE time it had EVERYTHING to do with the color of their skins?

Is it easier for you to remain shrouded in your willful ignorance? Is it an easier pill for you to swallow that he was Mentally Ill, than it is to admit that as much as we want to believe that we are in a Post-Racial period of existence, that we are in fact in 1963, Pt 2?

I’m not calling out ALL WHITE CHRISTIANS, just those I see posting on various message boards and profiles, who want to offer‪#‎PrayersForCharleston‬ yet can’t seem to bring themselves to admit that THIS was about RACE.

No, not calling ALL of you out, just the ones who continue to disrespect me and those who look like me by saying that they “don’t see color”.

The ones who believe that our focus on this being a racial incident is a disservice to everyone and will only continue to spread hate.

Those who would want me, and those who look like me, who have to live with the knowledge that TODAY has proven that we are not even safe in the House of the Lord, to ‪#‎PrayforCharleston‬ and keep it moving.

The ones who would implore me to not to jump to any conclusions, even after the shooter himself has admitted that this was always and only about race.

I just need and want you to help me understand where your mindset is at, so that I can continue to embrace you as The Word tells me to and not continue to give you the side-eye that has been on my mind since this time last year.

Photo Credit: Rev. Peter M. Preble

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