Pieces of Me

Showing posts with label Hopeful. Show all posts

The information below is taken from a post I shared on Facebook yesterday, and felt lead to share here, as there may be someone who needs it - for whatever reason/purpose.

It’s been placed on my spirit that I should address this, so that the wagging tongues can cease and desist. Please know that this will be the one and only time that I will address this with the “General Public”, so there’s no need for anyone to come calling, questioning, inquiring, etc.

With that said…yes, I am aware of my daughters situation, was one of the first ones she told, and am honored that she knows that my love for her runs so deep, that despite what she thought I might think/feel/say, she still came to me and shared. It does not matter whether I agree or disagree with her decision, as she is an adult. Additionally, as her Mother, I love her, (and her sisters), unconditionally, and as such, will ALWAYS be there to support her to the best of my ability and to the extend that YAH allows.

No, I will not “have a talk with her”, or “talk some sense into her”…have no need to. The choice that she has made is her choice and as I am standing/resting firmly on Jeremiah 29:11, "it's all good in the hood". Additionally, as I gave up the need/desire to always be in control, a LONG time ago, this situation doesn’t bother or phase me, (and if it did, again, it would not be up for public discussion), because I know that YAH’s got THIS and HER in the palm of His hands....so it most definitely is "all good in the hood".

I will say that I am thankful/grateful that despite my not always setting the best example of how a Woman of YAH should behave/act, my child has developed her own personal relationship with Him; talks and communes with Him; and is following the direction/leading of her Lord and Saviour via the Holy Spirit.

Got an issue with it, take it up with Him.

With that said, if anyone is wondering what they can do, here's what I've been directed to share with you:

pray her peace and her strength
pray that YAH will continue to guide and direct her path
pray that she is not adversely affected by the wagging, viperous tongues that encamp around her, (and there are far too many)
pray that she is able to sharpen her discernment and will loose anything and anyone that is not of YAH, (or is not meant for her good, no matter what it looks like or who they are.

Additionally, if you are unable or unwilling to be a positive part of her “Village”, do her and all of us who are a favor – remove yourself.

Thanks for reading. As I stated before, this will be the one and only commentary on this subject – unless of course you are a part of the Inner Circle (and they know who they are.) I pray that each and every one of you continue to have a YAH-Blessed and YAH-Inspired day.

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"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I think I’m suffering from a form of PTSD…but not because I’ve been to war or due to any of the traumatic issues I’ve experienced in my life. (and that would be enough - trust me!). I think I’m suffering from Post Traumatic Church Syndrom (PTCS)* – because I’m a Victim of CHURCH HURT!

There…I said it. Got it out…in the open. No more whispering about it…or not talking about it. Folks, whether we realize it or not, want to accept it or not, CHURCH HURT IS

The levels of Church Hurt are as different as those who experience it as are how those individuals choose to deal with it. Although I thought I had healed that hurt, I’ve come to realize – just today – that evidently I haven’t put it all to bed. There are evidently remnants that I still have not dealt with.

I have been here in GA going on four years and STILL have not found a church home. I’ve visited more than enough that you’d think I would have found a home by now. But – and maybe I was being too picky – there were things that just didn’t sit right with me about all of them. No, I wasn’t looking for perfection – that would have been silly. But I was looking for an atmosphere of INCLUSION, a desire to want to reach those who are lost and/or struggling to find their way. A church that although had structure, (because we all need that), was not bogged down in religiosity.

Recounting the treatment that I’ve received at the hands of some of my fellow brothers and sisters since I’ve gotten here, have caused some folks to raise eyebrows or exclaim that that couldn’t possibly be true. Unfortunately, true it all is. And it started to sour me towards the BODY (and not my relationship with him. Thankfully, I know that He is able…that my Redeemer Lives and our relationship grows stronger and stronger each and every day.) The few churches that I would connect with, well, the blinders would come off after the 2^nd or 3^rd visit (it never took longer than that. I’d usually know by the 2^nd visit, but there were a few times that I doubted myself, and so, wanted to ‘make sure’), and I’d start the search all over again. Until a few months ago, the fact that I wasn’t connecting with a church and wasn’t able to ‘plant roots’ bothered me. So much so, I started to harp on just how strong my relationship could be, since I was foregoing the ‘assembling of the Saints’. It wasn’t until I let that go…until I realized and accepted that when the time came, YAH would direct me to the church that was to be my “Home”, (and I would know, because my Spirit would be at ease), that I stopped tripping.

So, I started attending a church, that although is feeding me, still doesn’t connect with me – for a variety of reasons. As I couldn’t get back to the DMV for Resurrection Sunday, I decided that I would use this time to venture out and attempt to experience service at another church here in my area. I went through, visited their website to see what they’re all about, even visited their page on Facebook and went a step further and viewed some of the videos that they have online. That’s when it all started. When I tell you that the very thought of getting up on Sunday, getting dressed, and heading 20 minutes down the street has me NERVOUS…almost ANXIOUS. And to be honest, those words don’t even describe this feeling well enough. To be even more honest, I feel as if I am on the verge of a PANIC ATTACK! I keep trying to calm myself and tell myself that it’s foolish, but that’s not helping either. The feelings are REAL and until I accept that they are real and confront the remnants of why those feelings are still around, it’s not going to get any better and I won’t find a church home any time soon.

So, as a part of that mission, I went in search of information that would help lead me in the right direction. And low and behold, according to FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, there are steps to take towards ‘recovery’, and of course healing. Those steps include:

1. listing the ways we’ve been wounded by others. Write down who hurt you and how.

2. describing any times of confusing or felt overwhelmed while attending a particular church.

3. describing any times you ever wondered how you fit in a local church.

4. studying what the Bible teaches about experiencing God's forgiveness and then start working on forgiving others. If it helps, we should read the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 39-45.

5. finding the time to look up verses on "Forgive" (and related words) in a Bible concordance. In your journal, make a list of what you learn.

6. praying about what you've learned about forgiveness and asking YAH to make each truth real in your own experience.

7. identifying who you need to meet with to ask for forgiveness for the wrongs you have done and praying ahead of time that they will graciously forgive you. If a lot of time has passed, it's even okay to pray that they've forgotten what you did.

8. identifying who has wronged you. Tell the Lord how badly you were hurt. Thank YAH for understanding how you were wounded. Ask Him to give you the ability to forgive each person in your heart, no matter what they did, even if they never apologize to you.

9. identifying the individual(s) you can't seem to forgive. Do you need to meet with that person and a third party to seek repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation? If so, who could you ask to serve as that third party? A Christian counselor? Your pastor? Another godly older friend?

10. finally – starting the process of finding a new, healthy church home

So, I guess it’s time to get this process started. Father – be a fence and be with me!

Have any of you experienced CHURCH HURT? If so, how did it affect you? …your relationship with The Father? What steps did you take to relieve yourself of that burden?

I’d love to know, so speak on it below.

For the record, PTCS is a 'real' thing. Don't believe me? Check this out....TOLD YOU! (LOL)

Here’s a question…where are my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Christ, who happen to be WHITE?

Where is your outrage? Where is your condemnation? Why is it so easy for you to speak out against this happening in a CHURCH, but not want to give voice to the fact that this was done because it was a BLACK church?

You do realize that these folks were chosen…targeted…not because they were followers of Yeshua, but because they happened to be BLACK?

Why is it so hard for you to wrap your mind and your thoughts and your words around THAT fact? Why is it easier for you to ignore the BIG WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM and acknowledge that if no other time, (side-eye), this ONE time it had EVERYTHING to do with the color of their skins?

Is it easier for you to remain shrouded in your willful ignorance? Is it an easier pill for you to swallow that he was Mentally Ill, than it is to admit that as much as we want to believe that we are in a Post-Racial period of existence, that we are in fact in 1963, Pt 2?

I’m not calling out ALL WHITE CHRISTIANS, just those I see posting on various message boards and profiles, who want to offer‪#‎PrayersForCharleston‬ yet can’t seem to bring themselves to admit that THIS was about RACE.

No, not calling ALL of you out, just the ones who continue to disrespect me and those who look like me by saying that they “don’t see color”.

The ones who believe that our focus on this being a racial incident is a disservice to everyone and will only continue to spread hate.

Those who would want me, and those who look like me, who have to live with the knowledge that TODAY has proven that we are not even safe in the House of the Lord, to ‪#‎PrayforCharleston‬ and keep it moving.

The ones who would implore me to not to jump to any conclusions, even after the shooter himself has admitted that this was always and only about race.

I just need and want you to help me understand where your mindset is at, so that I can continue to embrace you as The Word tells me to and not continue to give you the side-eye that has been on my mind since this time last year.

Photo Credit: Rev. Peter M. Preble

You came along

At a time when I was vulnerable

Unable to fully express myself

Because I wasn’t sure

If I truly knew myself

You were fly

Damn you were fine

And I got caught up

In all of that

Kind of liked the feeling I got

From being around you

Being seen with you

You being seen with me

You were young

A little rough around the edges

But were willing to get

Your grind on

Your hustle on

To get

What you wanted

What you needed

What you desired

Because

It was innate

No one had to show you how

No one had to tell you why

You just knew it

And

I found that

Oh so very attractive

But yanno they say

Everything that glitters

Aint really gold

And so

I found that to be true

With you

You came

At me

Shinning

Ever so brightly

To fade

So very quickly

And became

Someone

That I couldn’t understand

Someone

I didn’t want around me

You had me thinking

That I was losing my mind

Again

Had me feeling

As if

I wasn’t worthy

Again

And I almost

Slipped back

Into that dress

Of dysfunction

That I seem to find

So much comfort in

I say

I almost

Slipped

But something

Something

From

Somewhere

Deep down

Inside of me

Said

To me

“Enough is Enough!…

Take a stand

Say what you mean

And

Mean what you say!”

And so

I had to let you go

Was so scared

That I wouldn’t have the strength

Was so scared

That I wouldn’t have the power

Was so scared

That I wouldn’t have the guts

To show you

the door

Was so scared

That I

Was gonna slip

Into that damn dress

Again

But

I proved

Myself

Wrong

And I

Was so proud

That I found that strength

Was so proud

That I found the power

Was so proud

That I found the guts

To show you

The door

Was so proud

That I

Didn’t slip

Into

That dress

Again

And was able

To stand up

For

Myself

And

Yeah

It’s gonna hurt

Not hearing your voice

Not seeing your face

Not feeling your warmth

Beside and inside me

But

I have to believe

That

In the long run

It’s gonna hurt me

Less

Knowing

That I didn’t

Slip

Into that

Got-damn dress

Again

And I’m

One step

One teeny

Tiny

Step

Closer

To ridding

Myself

Of that

Dysfunction

That

Keeps me

From

Loving

Me...Myself...and I...

Enough.

Dejanique - The Coco Poetess

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Pieces of Me

A Recent Facebook Post

I'm Hurting - Again...

Ode to My Hair

A Question - for White Christians

An Invaluable Lesson

Delayed Does Not Mean Denied

Letting Go – Again (Soul Ties)

Letting Go

Into that damn dress