For Me - But To My Abusers
You hurt me
You’ll never truly know how
You’ll never truly understand
The pain
The sorrow
The grief
That you caused
You invaded
The most secret
Parts of me
And exposed it
To a lie
For a lifetime
You hurt me
You’ll never truly know how
You’ll never truly understand
And I have to live with that
Deal
With that
And it hurts
Hurts to know
That for all these years
I’ve given you
Power
Over me
My life
My future
My present
You hurt me
You’ll never truly know how
You’ll never completely
understand
What you took
From me
And how
I’ve fought
Like hell
To get it back
How I’ve longed
To get it back
How I’ve wanted
To snatch it back
From you
The Thief that you are
You hurt me
You’ll never truly know how
You’ll never completely
understand
Just how
Angry
I am
At you
But also at me
For allowing you
To have
This control
Over me
My life
My love
My past
My present
My future
All these years
You hurt me
You’ll never truly know how
You’ll never completely
understand
The times
The number of times
The numerous occasions
I’ve thought of
Killing
You
Me
You – again
But then
I start to feel compassion
Compassion
For you – of all people
Feel that same compassion
That you
Neglected
To feel for me
You hurt me
You’ll never truly know how
You’ll never truly understand
The hate
That I have for you
How it boils in me
Like a pot on a stove
Or how quickly
That hate can change
Change to sorrow
Sorrow
For you – of all people
You see
You are truly the weak one
The one who took from me
What you did not have inside
My strength
You took it
My strength
For your own use
You took it – my strength
Hoping that it would provide
you
With all that you lacked
All that you needed
All that you wanted
Yes, you are truly the weak
one
Yes, you hurt me
But now I’ve started to heal
True, you’ll never really
know how
But I know you have an idea
Truer still, you’ll never
really understand
But understand this
As of today
You and your sickness
Have no more control
Over me
My life
My thoughts
My feeling
My love
For others
And more importantly
The love
I have for
Myself
My ability to look you in the
eye
And acknowledge that
You hurt me
Acknowledge that
You’ll never really know how
Acknowledge that
You’ll never really
understand
And be ok with that
Will hurt you
Be with you
Live with you
Until the day you die
And that hurt
That you passed on to me
I now pass back to you
Because I know that hurt
Is more painful
Than all the things
You have ever done
To me.
©September 19, 2002
Dejanique - The Coco Poetess
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