Pieces of Me

I think I’m suffering from a form of PTSD…but not because I’ve been to war or due to any of the traumatic issues I’ve experienced in my life. (and that would be enough - trust me!). I think I’m suffering from Post Traumatic Church Syndrom (PTCS)* – because I’m a Victim of CHURCH HURT!

There…I said it. Got it out…in the open. No more whispering about it…or not talking about it. Folks, whether we realize it or not, want to accept it or not, CHURCH HURT IS

The levels of Church Hurt are as different as those who experience it as are how those individuals choose to deal with it. Although I thought I had healed that hurt, I’ve come to realize – just today – that evidently I haven’t put it all to bed. There are evidently remnants that I still have not dealt with.

I have been here in GA going on four years and STILL have not found a church home. I’ve visited more than enough that you’d think I would have found a home by now. But – and maybe I was being too picky – there were things that just didn’t sit right with me about all of them. No, I wasn’t looking for perfection – that would have been silly. But I was looking for an atmosphere of INCLUSION, a desire to want to reach those who are lost and/or struggling to find their way. A church that although had structure, (because we all need that), was not bogged down in religiosity.

Recounting the treatment that I’ve received at the hands of some of my fellow brothers and sisters since I’ve gotten here, have caused some folks to raise eyebrows or exclaim that that couldn’t possibly be true. Unfortunately, true it all is. And it started to sour me towards the BODY (and not my relationship with him. Thankfully, I know that He is able…that my Redeemer Lives and our relationship grows stronger and stronger each and every day.) The few churches that I would connect with, well, the blinders would come off after the 2^nd or 3^rd visit (it never took longer than that. I’d usually know by the 2^nd visit, but there were a few times that I doubted myself, and so, wanted to ‘make sure’), and I’d start the search all over again. Until a few months ago, the fact that I wasn’t connecting with a church and wasn’t able to ‘plant roots’ bothered me. So much so, I started to harp on just how strong my relationship could be, since I was foregoing the ‘assembling of the Saints’. It wasn’t until I let that go…until I realized and accepted that when the time came, YAH would direct me to the church that was to be my “Home”, (and I would know, because my Spirit would be at ease), that I stopped tripping.

So, I started attending a church, that although is feeding me, still doesn’t connect with me – for a variety of reasons. As I couldn’t get back to the DMV for Resurrection Sunday, I decided that I would use this time to venture out and attempt to experience service at another church here in my area. I went through, visited their website to see what they’re all about, even visited their page on Facebook and went a step further and viewed some of the videos that they have online. That’s when it all started. When I tell you that the very thought of getting up on Sunday, getting dressed, and heading 20 minutes down the street has me NERVOUS…almost ANXIOUS. And to be honest, those words don’t even describe this feeling well enough. To be even more honest, I feel as if I am on the verge of a PANIC ATTACK! I keep trying to calm myself and tell myself that it’s foolish, but that’s not helping either. The feelings are REAL and until I accept that they are real and confront the remnants of why those feelings are still around, it’s not going to get any better and I won’t find a church home any time soon.

So, as a part of that mission, I went in search of information that would help lead me in the right direction. And low and behold, according to FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, there are steps to take towards ‘recovery’, and of course healing. Those steps include:

1. listing the ways we’ve been wounded by others. Write down who hurt you and how.

2. describing any times of confusing or felt overwhelmed while attending a particular church.

3. describing any times you ever wondered how you fit in a local church.

4. studying what the Bible teaches about experiencing God's forgiveness and then start working on forgiving others. If it helps, we should read the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 39-45.

5. finding the time to look up verses on "Forgive" (and related words) in a Bible concordance. In your journal, make a list of what you learn.

6. praying about what you've learned about forgiveness and asking YAH to make each truth real in your own experience.

7. identifying who you need to meet with to ask for forgiveness for the wrongs you have done and praying ahead of time that they will graciously forgive you. If a lot of time has passed, it's even okay to pray that they've forgotten what you did.

8. identifying who has wronged you. Tell the Lord how badly you were hurt. Thank YAH for understanding how you were wounded. Ask Him to give you the ability to forgive each person in your heart, no matter what they did, even if they never apologize to you.

9. identifying the individual(s) you can't seem to forgive. Do you need to meet with that person and a third party to seek repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation? If so, who could you ask to serve as that third party? A Christian counselor? Your pastor? Another godly older friend?

10. finally – starting the process of finding a new, healthy church home

So, I guess it’s time to get this process started. Father – be a fence and be with me!

Have any of you experienced CHURCH HURT? If so, how did it affect you? …your relationship with The Father? What steps did you take to relieve yourself of that burden?

I’d love to know, so speak on it below.

For the record, PTCS is a 'real' thing. Don't believe me? Check this out....TOLD YOU! (LOL)

Pieces of Me

Just Because

So do those of us who suffer from any of these issues a favor -

#Think Before You #Speak.

That's All...Nothing More To Say!

I'm Hurting - Again...