On this the eve of my
45th year of life, I have been lead to share this…
For
all those Girls – Black, Brown, White, Red, Yellow, etc. – (and that includes those
who are “trapped” inside the body of a Grown Woman), who has suffered the
indignity of sexual molestation in any form, and then had to deal with the
humility of having those who were charged to protect and care for you either
blame you for the choices and actions of others, or even look down on you
because you had the audacity to stand up for yourself….this is for you.
No longer should any
of us wear the mantle of shame that has been placed on us by the refusal and/or
inability of others, to face what you’ve had no choice but to deal with.
No longer should any
of us feel obligated to give reasons why we choose to no longer accept the
abuse of our very spirits by those who profess to love us.
No longer should any
of us hold ourselves to blame for the choices that those who have violated us –
mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually – have attempted to
force us to accept.
No longer should we
blame ourselves because those who claimed to love us were unable, unwilling, or
even incapable of protecting us…standing up for us…standing by us.
No longer should any
of us question what it is that we did wrong, as there is nothing that we
did/did not do for the violation(s) to happen/take place.
No longer should any
of us wonder what it will take for those who were charged to love and guide us,
to finally admit that they were wrong, because it may never come.
As
I prepare to enter this, my New Year, I release and let go all of the bitterness,
anger, frustration, pain, and most importantly – hurt, that I’ve held on to,
unbeknownst to me, for far too long.
Although
I know that in this world, I don’t have to, I truly do forgive those, who
claimed to love me – namely both my Mother and Father – for NOT protecting me
and NOT standing by me, in what has come to be one of the darkest times – all
of them, (because I suffered these indignities more than once), in my life. I
recognize that due to their own shortcomings, history, life experiences, etc.,
that they were not equipped to handle the heaviness of all that I have dealt
with. So, for them, it was far easier, (and are I say better for them), to
either ignore it, (thereby ignoring me), and/or blame me, (because I just *HAD*
to have done something – right?)
Even
though I would not wish these experiences on anyone, I am thankful for having
gone through and survived them. Those experiences have shaped and molded
the woman that I have become, the woman that presents this missive to you today.
I realize now, what I could not then - that I am much stronger for having gone
through.
These
experiences, as horrific as they have been, have birthed in me, the ability to
empathize with those who have experienced pain beyond their wildest dreams
and/or imaginations. These experiences have helped me direct my own daughter
who had to – unfortunately – experience the same violation. These experiences
enabled me to provide her with the assurances that she needed. Because of these
experiences, I was able to help her understand that she was – and is - not at
fault, (although there were and still are folks who would want her to believe
otherwise and to point the finger at her.)
I
decree and declare, that this, my 45th year, will be the start of a NEW
LIFE and a new OUTLOOK on life for me. No longer will I carry the
hurt, shame, guilt, and pain that comes along with being violated by those who
were supposed to care about and/or even love me. I cling to the fact that I
know that YAH is there for me…guiding…protecting…loving me….He has set me free…
“For who the Son has
set free, is free indeed…” ~ John
8:36
