Good Afternoon Queens
I have been directed to share the following information with you all, not because I am looking for any kudos, pity, charity, etc., but because there’s a ‘chain’ that needs to be broken in my life AND because there is someone(s) here who needs to read this so that they too can receive their own breakthrough.
There are a few of you who know the ENTIRE story, there are some who only know bits and pieces, while there are many more who this will be ‘news’ to you. This share is long…but I awsk that you stick with it and hopefully at the end, you will not only have clearer understanding, but will also be blessed.
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This time last year, I was working with one of the biggest contracts I’ve had since starting my own business back in 2013. Everything was going fine – FINANCIALLY – but mentally, I was going crazy. The company – specifically the CEO - was unorganized and had this inane need to control everything, even though he wasn’t well versed in doing everything. As I’m sure that any of you who have worked with type of personality are aware, that ‘confusion’ was transferring over to how he interacted/dealt with me, (and other team members) and my ability to perform the job they had hired me to do. Even with these issues, I was busy overlooking them because the money was good and it was steady, (payments twice a month where my other clients/contracts were only once per month).
Then, “LIFE” happened. At the same time that all of this was happening, I had received news about the health of a family member that was devastating and as an end result, it started to affect my work performance. I had a little conversation with Daddy and he advised me that I needed to step away from the contract, so that I could give my family member, (and myself), the attention that was warranted. In addition, it also allowed me to let go of the stress that this contract and the CEO was bringing to my life, (and it was getting worse, as he seemed to change his mind on what he wanted/needed almost daily!) I was nervous…I was scared…the money was GOOD ya’ll, not to mention that I had just purchased a new (to me), car and had payments that needed to be made. Needless to say, I decided that if nothing else, I was going to STEP OUT ON FAITH and see what happened. So, I let it go and although things were ok for a few weeks, not too long after that, EVERYTHING fell apart. The other contracts that I had started drying up and there was no savings to fall back on.
So, starting in July 2015, I had to deal with:
- Both my personal and business bank accounts being overdrawn to the point of closure
- A default on the loan I had to purchase the car, (the blessing is that the loan was via a family member, so there was no repossession. The downside, that relationship is now fractured - which is more costly in my eyes); · My car insurance payments were late every month,
- There were four (4) times – at least – that the policy was even been cancelled, (thankfully I was able to reinstate the policy in enough time that I didn’t suffer any fees from the state), with the last time being just this March. This time around, there was no reinstatement and I had to get a “new” policy.
- I owe the US Government money and they owe me money, but I didn’t have enough money to take care of either.
- No more going to get my hair done. I had already started going the inexpensive route by going to the beauty school, but that had to stop too!
- Recreation of almost any kind ceased. There was no more eating out or even hanging out with the few Sista-Friends that I had made since moving here. The Library became my “Redbox” and I did lose a few ‘friends’ because I wasn’t able to keep up…C’est La Vie)
- I became a hermit - and not by choice. There were times that I barely had enough gas to get to the grocery store…which is about 10 minutes away from me.
But today…I am thankful and oh so grateful to report that I am turning the bend:
- Because of what the Lord saw fit to bless me with, I had enough ‘piece work’ come in last month, that I was able to earn a little over $700 for the month. Now, I know that might not seem like a lot to most of you, but when you’ve come from $276 in your BEST month - that’s major!
- Insurance premium will be paid – with no lapse in coverage · I have an almost full tank of gas, (it’s been a while since I’ve seen the needle get that high! LOL)
- Out of all of the recent happenings, I was OVERJOYED when I was able to return to my bank and pay off the last of the overdraft, (I’d been making small payments when I could), and they allowed me to open ANOTHER bank account with them – a FEE-FREE checking account (ya’ll know these banks are getting ridiculous with the fees that they are charging! They were going to charge me $10/month – BUT YAH!!!!!)
AAAANNNNDDDD the BEST part, out of all of this…
- I still have money left over – even AFTER tithing! No, it’s not a lot, but it’s more “extra” than I’ve had in a while, (and I’ve become good at making a little stretch, so I’m good.)
No, I’m not out the woods yet, but I am in a better place than I’ve been in months. I’m more sure than ever that I’m heading in the right direction than I have in a VERY long time. I was also to admit – as painful as it was to do so – that I was harboring PRIDE, SHAME and GUILT. Because of my pride and shame, I didn’t tell too many folks about what I was going through and LIED to myself that it was because I didn’t want a ‘Pity Party’ or ‘Charity’ and that I was a ‘Grown Woman’ and could handle this!
Foolish me…didn’t realize that my holding on to that lie for as long as I did, is what kept me from my breakthrough for so long. I’m still harboring some guilt (over that fractured relationship, but I know that YAH is working on me and that will be healed as well.) I had to learn that there was and is no need for me to harbor any feelings of SHAME. Folks are ‘going through’ in one way or another. When this is all said and done, this is a part of my journey and will serve me/my purpose driven life well!
Again, I was lead to share this, not because I am looking for any kudos, pity, charity, etc., but for a variety of reasons including:
- He wanted to ensure that I had a written/visual testimony of where He has brought me;
- To help me realize that HE REALLY KEPT ME;
- To release the SHAME and let go of the PRIDE, (those ‘chains’ I spoke of earlier), that kept me from reaching out and (potentially) blocking the blessing of someone else.
There’s someone reading this who is who needs a little motivation to keep going. For you Queen…whomever you are…
- I know, that right now it looks bleak…looks like it’s going to get worse before it gets better or that it just can’t get any worse. I’m asking you…no, begging you…HOLD ON! He has promised to NEVER leave you…NEVER forsake you…NEVER fail you. It may not seem like, but remember, He has promised to NEVER give you more than HE is able to help you handle.
- Learning to TRUST IN THE NAME OF THE LORD and not lean to your own understanding is so key…so essential.
- Let go of the PRIDE that is keeping you from reaching out and allowing someone to bless you. When we do that, we’re essentially blocking the blessings of others. I don’t know about you, but that’s one thing I don’t want to ever be guilty of.
There is NOTHING for us to be ashamed of. Shame is a LIE and a TRICK of the enemy and he uses it to keep us from seeing clearly. These tests come to our life to teach us a lesson that we will then turn around and use to bless someone else. What we go through is so NOT about us, but about those we will connect with in the future and will be able to testify – in truth – to.
I thank you all for allowing me to be transparent and to share my truth with each of you. I pray that this testimony reaches those who it is supposed to and blesses us all. I thank YAH for each of you, as you have impacted me, in one way or another. I pray that the day will come that I am able to give back. Whether you realize it or not - you are
#PHENOMENAL and I am blessed to have you as a part of my life.
YAH BLESS!
